What breathing teaches us about life
What breathing teaches us about life
or The Lost Art of Letting Go
We know we need oxygen, we need to breathe in so we can survive.
We therefore inherently believe that it should be breathing in that calms us down, because we are receiving what we need for life and ought therefore to be calm.
The opposite is true.
Breathing in activates the sympathetic nervous system – think stress, fight or flight.
It is breathing out that activates the parasympathetic nervous system, soothing and calming us.
Many breathing techniques tap into the physiology involved in this, such as the 4-8-7 technique that prolongs the out breath, or Wim Hof’s method that builds up to a big exhale and holding the breath on emptied lungs. In fact, pretty much any breathing technique out there designed to calm you down will focus on enhancing or prolonging the act of breathing out.
It is interesting that the act which calms us most is not one of gathering, bringing in, holding on. It is the act of letting go.
What is there in your life that you could let go of? How could that help you?
When angry with a toddler because they are in the wrong, have crossed a line, done something naughty and they’re the one who should say sorry, and it’s your responsibility to raise them right… how many things are there that you could let go of in the moment? Breathe out and let go of them all. Address the toddler. Cuddle them… And yes, eventually, they will have to apologise for their transgression and learn the importance of not doing it again. But only after you’ve let go first.
When the behaviour of someone at work has you all riled up and you can’t stop thinking about it, what is making you hold onto it? What principles, invisible at first but clear when you inspect them, can you identify and let go of? Does that allow you to let go of the thoughts and imagined confrontations? Does that let you be present right now, let you engage with what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with, unrestricted by these intrusive thoughts? Does it let you feel a little more awe in the life you’re living, right now?
What is holding you back from achieving your dreams? Is it that you haven’t applied enough effort, having committed enough energy, enough money, enough time? More, more more? Or are you held back by your inner game, by doubts, by beliefs about yourself not being good enough yet, not having enough creds yet, enough of a platform? What is there that you could let go of? How could letting go of your own barriers open doors?
One of my favourite allegories for letting go is one of two Buddhist monks, vowed to chastity and to never touch a woman, walking through the wilderness. They come across a river and resolve to cross it, but see a woman in need of help crossing the same river.
One monk offers her that help and carries her across, setting her down on the other side and bidding her farewell. The two monks continue on their journey. After some time, the other monk asks reproachfully “How could you break your vow and touch that woman?”
His companion responded “I put her down on the bank of the river. Why are you still carrying her?”
What can you identify that you could let go of?